bossip

ms.alicia

our superwoman, callin out them jane does, full figured hero. alicia keys, le sigh.

i had been resisting listening to alicia keys’ new album knowing that there are no songs about boobie empowerment and is the showcase to her current relationship with swizz beatz (to put it simply, she jacked mashonda, swizz beatz (now) ex wife) .. but then i got stuck on “unthinkable”

from the beginning, this song exudes a melacholy romanticism that sinks you into her desperation. she tells the story of when she finally gives into this controversial love and belts, croons, cries that “she(‘s) ready.” while i listened, i couldnt help but think damn this must suck for mashonda .. but then alica uses phrases like “i think i deserve it” and “destiny” (which isnt a phrase haha).. you can hear the torment in her voice, the questions in her lyrics…now i dont know anything about stealing someone’s husband, but i do know desperation in love. and as i listened to this song, even though i didn’t personally relate to it, i felt her.

i started thinking about alicia’s songs and how they encapsulate a feeling. her songs feel like a whole package, a journey that delivers you to an experience. for example, in “you dont know my name,” the riffs she sings, the sighs, the lyrics – that’s how you feel when you’re crushin (and stalking someone on that daily to see what he drinks haha) .. or “teenage love affair” ..haha that song makes me giggle. it makes me feel like how i felt when i was a teen and madly infatuated (at Bible study hahah). or most importantly, “superwoman.” cuz that is the freakin anthem for the days you feel like world equates you to ultimate caretaker, lover, friend, breadwinner, sexy…

that’s what makes her songs transcend the radio..its as if it leaps off the speakers, into your heart, and finds the perfect memory to feel while you’re listening..its like she knows you and has written the soundtrack to all your movie moments (creeeepy!!) .. which is why maybe people haven’t been (outwardly) calling her a homewrecker..why we stood by her as she publicly destroyed a family .. or, it may just be the booty haha

whichever it is, alicia, you the shiet.

(random thoughts in between patients..what a day haha)

words are foreplay.

love jones. not the best movie but you always gotta find the nuggets.

“Well, they call me Brother to the night. And right now I’m the blues in your left thigh… trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?”

“I gather up each sound you left behind and stretch them on our bed. Each night I breathe you and become high..”

“Poetry is the possibility of language.”

“I love you. That’s urgent like a motherfucker.”

“It is the color of light,
The shape of sound high in the evergreens
It lies suspended in hills,
A blue line in a red sky.

I am looking at sound.

I am hearing the brightness
Of high bluffs and almond trees
I am tasting the wilderness
of lakes, rivers, and streams
Caught in an angle of song.

I am remembering water
That glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds.

I am dancing a bright beam of light

I am remembering love.”

la mission.

la mission, benjamin bratt’s new movie, got me thinking.

while its cinematic quality was a little sub par, the issues raised, benjamin bratt’s swag, and the setting made it definitely worth it. set in the heart of the mission (cliche terms for low income areas are interesting), benjamin bratt is a tough father caught in between the loving his gay son and masculinity.

& oddly enough, it got me thinking about home. hOme.

in the past 2 and half years i’ve lived and moved through 8 cities, 2 countries, 11 houses. i can’t help but have a muddled idea of home. and here i am again, indulging in the city, enjoying my friends and getting anxious about having to leave it all behind –Ā again.Ā and as i watched la mission, i fell in love – again with the city..my city.

i’m from the bay. it’s not glamorous or posh. itsĀ famous butĀ the streets are stillĀ free. its gritty and grimy..chalky in taste, fluid in fashion, beauty in dirt. there’s bridges, and pockets, and contradictions and chaos. but its mine. i grew up in it, i grow in it, i come back to it.

in that case, maybe its more of aĀ home base. like theĀ elation of aĀ touch down .. the finality of a home run .. a place to breathe and release. its my constant but not always my current.. cuz after all this moving, iĀ feel likeĀ people rather than a place make a home. as much as im a fatty (ok ok or “foodie”), whenever i leave a place, its the people i miss most. when i fast forward to establishing myself in la, i think about laughter over cybelles, excitement over left over desserts, revelations over dinner .. (hahha interestingly enough all those include food huh??)

nonetheless, this city is a novel unfolded. im reading each page, highlighting the inspiration, and tucking it into that special place in my blood i save for home –Ā deceiving sunshine and all.

while i acknowledge the free spirit of my musings .. hOme and rOutine aint that bad.